In recent weeks, I have been experiencing the rise of difficult relationships with co-workers. I am sharing this today in full consciousness and as thoughts arise, understanding that others may, like me, be experiencing similar unfortunate situations. I am writing this with hopes that it may help others to better understand the root cause of such negative behavior and provide them with some support. On the other hand, you may be this person lashing out at others as a result of your own fears and unhappiness. If this is the case, I do hope it will help you resolve or start to see and understand this internal battle, also known as Kleshas.
Lets first take a look at the driving force behind the Kleshas or personal obstacles. These shape our intentions and karma. According to the Buddha, they are at the root cause of human suffering. These “afflictions” distort our mind and our perceptions affecting how we think, act and feel. Therefore, if we are not conscious of the Kleshas’ existence and of their impact on our lives and behaviors, we react without true knowledge of the impact our actions have on others and on ourselves. People bringing you down, diminishing other’s worth, presenting a false and hypocritical face, are in fact – often unknowingly – screaming for help, seeking their own self-worth.
As a tried to approach these people in a calm and positive manner, offering collaboration, asking whether I had in anyway upsetted them, I was received with false apologies on one side – as I was quick to find out afterwards – and complete silence followed by renewed agressivity on the other side. It has not been an easy road to travel, but I understood many years ago that giving in to this type of behavior would in no way be beneficial or contribute to my inner peace.
There are 5 Kleshas: Avidya or ignorance, is the misunderstanding of the truth and reality. Taking for example my particular situation, when offering help is instead seen as a menace to the other person, thinking that they are under attack. Asmita, is when there is a strong identification with the Ego and where people who lack self-confidence remain stuck, diminishing others to amplify their own self-worth in the views of their piers. Raga is the constant need to be satisfied and to be blindsided by this need for personal satisfaction at all costs which, when we cannot obtain it, causes suffering. Dvesha or avoidance is opposite to Raga as we try to avoid all things and situations that are uncomfortable, as would a person with hypocritical behavior, preferring to run away from facing and dealing with such a situation. And finally, but nonetheless, Abhinivesha, attachment and fear, as it relates to our physical state and our will to live: the fear of death.
Understanding that these elements are at work everyday and every moment of everyone’s lives may help us in becoming more aware of our own behavior and thought pattern. It may, in fact, provide us with the support we need in our personal quest for innerpeace. I hope that this reflection will help you as well.
Namaste.