Whether we are in a relationship or not, we go to great extent to feel loved and appreciated. Women in particular, tend to be insecure and feel threatened by other women and even by themselves. I do not pretend to speak for all, and obviously not for men, but genders and specific situations put aside, I believe that everyone wants to love and to feel loved.
In her book A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson says that “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here“. She adds that “To the extent that we abandon love, to that extent we will feel it has abandoned us“. Jealousy towards others, the fear of not being enough or of making mistakes, and the obsession of proving that we are worthy, destroys relationships. In fact, one can become so overwhelmed by these thought patterns and fears, that everyday reality becomes distorted and perception of what is real, veiled.
In the Wisdom of Yoga, Stephen Cope quotes his own yoga teacher who once told him “What you practice gets stronger“. Although quite simple and probably something you have also heard or been told before, it is such a strong statement. Think about it. The more you are jealous, the stronger this feeling of jealousy will become thus making you weary of every other woman approaching your boyfriend or husband. The more you are afraid of being abandoned and judged, the stronger you will hold on and the more constant this mental chatter of feeling judged will dominate your thoughts. You will feel stuck, stressed, constantly challenged. Then, needing to impress, to prove that you are the one, you will impose yourself, forcing your love onto others like a telemarketer calling your home trying to sell you something! Is this attractive to you?!
Now, some of you may think that there is a good reason for this behavior, that your personal experience has thought you to be careful, suspicious of men and non-trusting of other women. Then I will revert back to what Marianne Williamson writes: “By bringing the past into the present, we create a future just like the past“. Is this what you want? To constantly re-live these feelings and these events over and over? You are not only responsible for your actions, but most importantly, for your thoughts. Although television exists, I’ve heard of no other mind-controlling device!
I know that it can be a constant struggle and that it is not easy said, easy done. But remember, “What you practice gets stronger“. So choose to love, learn to trust, become aware of your perceptions and thoughts. Most importantly, become detached from the outcome. Do not do and say things to have someone love you more. Do and say what you mean, how you feel. It is the only way. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. Don’t you think he or she will eventually find out who you really are? And if it were you, wouldn’t you like to know?!
I hope these thoughts will help us all lead happier relationships and become more confident in our lives. Although I have focused this post on love and relationships, these concepts can as easily be applied to friendship and work environments. I wish you all much perseverance in your personal healing journey. Namaste.