What is your biggest fear? What situation provokes an irrational reaction when you are faced with it? Do you run up the stairs when all the lights are turned off? Do you have difficulty expressing yourself? Do you fear others will judge you? Are you afraid of being alone, not loved? Are you afraid to trust others for the fear you might get hurt, again?
You may have a very relevant reason for this behaviour. Nonetheless, most of what we identify as fears, are irrational fears and the result of our emotional construct. Often times, these fears are carried over from past traumatic events to which we have assigned a heightened emotional response.
In some cases, we might not even be aware of it. We will react in a certain way and have strong feelings about a situation. We may feel stressed and agitated until the situation resolves itself. Our relationships with others may even be affected by it. As though a veil has been placed over our reality, we are no longer able to see the situation for what it really is.
I recently became aware of such an irrational fear I seem to have been dragging along for the past 12 years! I had never realized at which point it affected me and my relationship with others. I am not quite sure how I came about this realisation, but today I have decided to face it. I will not go into detail, as this is my own personal journey, but I will say that a higher sense of emotional awareness will inevitably result in greater well-being. Or at least, that is what I am aiming for!
Irrational fears are based on events or situations that do not exist (or no longer exist): the past… and the future in some way. Rational fear, which we could attribute to a person pointing a gun at us or a bear chasing us, you get the point, only happens in the present.
And so, if our relationships with others are always tainted by the fear that they will judge us or that they will cheat us, it will never be possible to develop meaningful relationships until we understand that we are carrying past events into our present life. We are making our future more into this past we seem to want to get away from. Just like a skipping disk (see Samskara), we are faced with the same situation to which we react the same way over and over and over. Only you can decide to get up and place the needle elsewhere and, literally, face the music.
I wish us all courage, perseverance, patience and self-confidence in exploring our most inner fears. No need to make radical changes to our life. Identify where you are starting from, as a first step, since only by knowing where you stand can you move forward.