I would like to begin this post by acknowledging where I am now. I am doing so because only by knowing where I stand now can I know that I am making progress. For those who know me personally and for those who don’t, before I go forward, I want to reiterate that this blog reflects my thought process and ideas on how we, myself included, could potentially live a happier life. I do not pretend to know everything or anything. Writing is my outlet.
This is my battle against my Ego.
“The ego is an activity, not an entity. The ego is the activity of avoidance, the avoidance of relationship. The root of all suffering is called the ‘ego’, as if it were a ‘thing’, an entity. But the same ego is actually the activity of self-contraction—in countless forms, endured unconsciously” (Adi Da Samraj). It is also interesting to note that, ‘ego’ forms part of the word ‘egoism’.
I’ve entitled this post “Encounter of the fourth kind” for exactly what it means in ufology: “cases when witnesses experienced a transformation of their sense of reality”, as described per Jacques Vallée’s 1998 publication in the Journal of Scientific Exploration (link). Of course his refers to UFOs and flying saucers, which is not where I am going with this idea! Rather, I have decided to give this classification a twist, applying it to myself, in the battle against my Ego.
And so, in this sense, encounter of the fourth kind refers to my behavior when interacting with others. While each of these individual interactions make me more aware, I sometimes feel the transformation is ever so slow to take place. For the last year or so, I have been increasingly confronting my Ego-self in a willingness to pursue my path. Needless to say, it has been a rough ride. I open myself here because I think it is the right place and time to do so.
At least three people here, other than my parents, will recognize this behavior: when I think that I am right about something, I won’t even hear what others have to say. I become so emotionally attached to my position, that I do not think rationally anymore, closing all channels of communication with my interlocutor. The Ego having taken over, the other person’s response is then seen as a personal attack rather than what it really is, someone else’s opinion or thoughts. In the midst of the moment, I do not see what is happening, blinded by my Ego-self, but when the bell rings I am ashamed of my behavior.
I am working hard at recognizing the Ego’s work, its activity of refraining my ability to have my notions challenged, a necessary fight if I want to grow. This is my Great wall of China: I can neither jump over it nor go around it, I need to take it down brick by brick in order to rebuild the foundation of my emotional behavior. This is more than letting go, this is bringing awareness to my life in order to give way to my True Self.
This is an ongoing battle that has left some wounded. Whilst I know that I am the only one who holds the key, awareness comes in all shapes and sizes. To those of you who have had the strength and willingness to (continue) help me open my eyes, I am forever grateful. Your friendship and love means a lot to me.