Worry bead

I worry a lot, not all the time, but a lot! I don’t worry much about myself or such things as what other people think of me, but I often worry about my friends and family. Granted, I worry about certain things in my life too, but usually not for very long or not to the same extent.

When a friend is sad, I wonder if she’ll be ok and I worry about what I could do or how I could help, wishing that I could be there for her. When my friends and family travel, I worry that something might happen and that I won’t be able to do anything about it. I worry about insulting or hurting people and I worry about being taken the wrong way. I even feel concerned when people I don’t even know are fighting!

I tend to feel other people’s emotions very strongly and this empathy has often made me vulnerable to negativity. Perhaps I care too much; is there such a thing? I’ve learned to control it somewhat, by not allowing it to affect me and by focusing on Ajna, but when it comes to loved ones, it is so very hard!

On one hand, I see this as a flaw because I understand it as wanting control over the situation. On the other hand, perhaps as the eldest of three, I feel it is my duty to protect. What I find most difficult about it though is when people perceive my concern as a lack of confidence in their abilities, which is not the case but which I can totally understand. Then again, worrying about people’s well-being is what fuels my compassion in the work that I do…

But what is truly important, is that when I worry about others or myself, it means that I have fear about something that may or may not happen (mostly the case!), which in fact means that I am not living my life now. As I believe that happiness is found in enjoying every moment life offers, worrying drives me away from this goal. I am working to find the fine balance between worrying for actual things I should worry about and not worry about the rest. It is a constant battle against myself, one side arguing “but I care”, whilst the other side recognizing the Ego’s work.

Only by acknowledging my True Self can I be freed from it. I am a worry bead trying to break free from the chain.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jodie
    May 18, 2011 @ 20:55:17

    Vero,

    As I was reading this, it was almost as if the words were my own. Maybe this does have something to do with being the eldest sibling. I am also always worrying about my family and friends. Especially with my Mom being in Afganistan. Not knowing from one day to the next if she’s ok. Is she in danger? And always looking forward to a ‘Good Morning’ email from her.

    To some of my friends I’m known as the ‘Mother Hen’ because I’m constantely worried about them, their well being, their families….it’s a constant thing in my life. Don’t even get me started on my own family.

    But I guess that’s a part of life and makes us who we are. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Although, maybe like you, sometimes I wished I worried a little less :)

    I see A LOT of myself in what you write and I for that I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

    xoxo

    Reply

  2. V. Barnes
    May 18, 2011 @ 21:26:23

    You’re welcome Jod… I can totally see how you are the Mother Hen!! ;) Hugs and kisses to your family, hope I see your Mom soon, she is such an inspiring person :)

    Reply

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